Maintenance Court and Emotions: A Journey of Struggle and Truth


As I sit down, drained from the day, I realise something I do not want to cook. I had planned to make spaghetti with mince, but when my emotions are scattered, I can’t even muster the energy to make a meal. Why is it so hard to be present?


I start asking myself: Where am I? Who do I want to be with? The answers remain elusive, and I cannot ask *why*. Instead, I feel like I’m floating in a different realm my mom’s presence seeming closer than ever. I yearn for a place that feels like a botanical garden—a sanctuary. In this moment, I want to reassure my father that everything will be okay. But despite not being worried, I'm utterly drained by lies and the egos of those who twist truth into something unrecognisable.

The truth is, I can’t ask *why*. I subjected myself to a life of abnormality, convincing myself that it was normal. Over time, I became part of a vision that wasn’t mine someone else’s reality. I was a character in a play that never truly belonged to me. We all have the power to lead our own lives. I remind myself of this as I think back on the joy and pain I’ve lived with every single day. This mixture of emotions led others to misunderstand my marriage an illusion I created. Slowly, I began peeling away the band-aid that had been stuck to my skin. It was painful like pulling a bandage from body hair. And just as the discomfort intensified, I realised something else: my shoes were too tight, and my toes were hurting. I had outgrown a life that no longer fit.


Now, after a long day at the Magistrate's Court, my emotions are still swirling. But I am grateful to be aware of them, to feel them. This morning, I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and somehow, that prayer brought me back to my work on the Mindful Ageing Programme. It brings me joy, lifts my spirit, and fills me with lightness. As I spent the next hour researching media partners print, online, radio I felt a deep connection to something that mattered. Radio, with its massive reach, sparked something inside me. After finishing my work, I decided to unwind with a series about an autistic attorney. I laughed, and in that moment, I felt settled.

But then, the exhaustion hit. My head throbbed, my back ached. I was too tired to talk to friends or family. I couldn’t bear the thought of explaining my day again. It was too much. At court, I spoke openly about the reality of our home situation. I told the Magistrate the truth: we have no food. All I had was flour, a bit of oil, and yeast to make bread. When I asked Judas about the children’s needs, his response was cold if the kids want food, they should live with him. But there's a problem: Goddess refuses to go to his house.


Then, in his delusion, Fritz claimed the kids had never told him there was no food. Another lie. And not just any lie he believes his own lies. He now accuses me of causing drama by telling the Magistrate that we rely on friends and family. I admitted to feeling ashamed, but the truth is: I had no choice but to ask for help. As I stood there, nearly on the edge of breaking down, I held it together. And of course, as expected, Judas diverted the conversation, trying to shift the focus from maintenance to our divorce, which is a completely separate issue. He claims I’m dragging out the divorce five years and counting. But I reminded the Magistrate: he applied for rescission and was granted it. He refuses to follow the law and wants me to bend to his will.

He even expects me to send him messages about the day’s outcome. *Hell no.* I won’t play into his narrative that we’re struggling because of me. He wants to go around claiming I’m the reason we’re in this situation not going to happen. I am spiritually drained. Now, I have to match his delusional state, where he thinks I am the one out of touch with reality. The children tell him time and time again that they live with me, but he just won’t hear it.

And so, I still have to go to the High Court because he never delivered the documents he was supposed to. It’s exhausting dealing with someone who’s so detached from reality, someone who claims to be protecting his reputation while avoiding responsibility for his children. How far is he willing to go to avoid justice? Is he trying to avoid the reality of our divorce?


When the time comes, I will stand before the judge and share my story. I will trust the court to make a fair decision, one that serves the best interests of everyone involved. And though the road is long, I know that justice will prevail.



-

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Moment of Reflection   While washing windows, a thought struck me.   Depression creeps in quietly. If I hadn’t gone through two years of therapy, I would still be floating, stuck in autopilot mode. Now, I recognise it—I see it reflected in my surroundings.   I finally understand why people who are abused, in any form, often don’t see a way out. As an outsider, I once watched my sister endure both physical and psychological abuse from her husband. I wanted her to see what I saw, to run from her situation. When words failed, I tried a different approach. I took her on trips, hoping a change of scenery would help. I bought her beautiful clothes to make sure she looked and felt powerful at work. She embraced that, it empowered her. But outside of work, she was still battling her demons.   Now, I look at myself. I am aware—I am ready to break free. But certain limitations hold me back. One thing I know for sure: I am surrounded by warriors. God is carrying me, fighting ...
Read more

UNSTOPPABLE

There was a time I doubted myself. He made me question everything — my voice, my spirit, my worth. Was I too different? Too difficult? Was I supposed to fold myself small just to fit into his idea of love? Somewhere between endurance and perseverance — virtues I had worn like armor — I lost sight of myself. I let someone else’s vision blur my own. Why? Because society taught me that as a woman, I must endure. Because two people signed a piece of paper and called it a union, while underneath, I was unraveling. Some days, I caught glimpses of the real me — radiant, undisturbed, unstoppable. But all it took was his presence, his endless, dead-end conversations, to dim my light. He wasn’t speaking to me. He was speaking at me — demanding I abandon my beliefs, my values, my soul, to mirror his. I tried to surrender — to God, to peace — but the cost of betraying myself was too high. The knot in my throat would travel to my gut, crash through my immune system, and leave me hol...
Read more
TRIGGERS I am reminded that I am alone in the flesh but never in Spirit. Today, once again, I felt the turmoil of solitude creeping in. As I unpack these emotions, I reflect on their triggers. I am surrounded by friends who have their families, while my only family here in Cape Town is Milan and Mika. My children have their own lives, anchored in the familiarity of two parents and a city they call home. I, too, once embraced this place as home, believing I had built a foundation of family until life unfolded differently. Now, I find myself in a space of lack, unable to afford even an Uber ride. The trains only run during the day and early evenings, further restricting my movement. A tightening in my chest and throat signals the weight of my emotions. Everywhere I look, I see others with strong family ties, close-knit bonds, and a sense of belonging. My entire family is in Johannesburg, living their lives, seemingly untouched by the distance between us. Where did the chain break? Family...
Read more