Love|Hate Thing: How Divorce Taught Me to Choose Myself

There’s a moment when love flips — without warning. One day you’re blooming, the next you’re bleeding from invisible cuts. Divorce didn’t just break me — it taught me the radical art of choosing myself. 


When Love Changes


There’s a moment when love flips — without warning. One day you’re blooming, the next you’re bleeding from invisible cuts. Divorce didn’t just break me — it taught me the radical art of choosing myself.


When this song plays — LoveHate Thing (feat. Sam Dew) — it reminds me how quickly emotions can shift.

We are born to love, naturally, and somewhere along the way, we are taught how to hate.


I often wonder: how does love that once blossomed so purely, suddenly wilt and die?

It fascinates me how real love, even new love, can change along the way in a relationship.


I am a loyal person — consistent and steady.

That’s why it shocks me when love dips below zero, forcing me to shut my heart completely.

At some point, you start to wonder:

Should we love with our hearts or start making decisions with our brains instead — just to avoid being hurt?


The Triggers and The Gaslighting


The rules around love and dating feel unscripted, messy.

When is it acceptable to date — during a separation, after filing for divorce, or only once the ink is dry?

No matter when you choose to open your heart again, triggers are unavoidable.

Certain songs, places, even small gestures — all of them can rip open memories you thought were healed.


Being loyal at my core, I expected older people to mirror that honesty and faithfulness.

But reflecting back, I realise I missed the signs of gaslighting in the process.

It’s heartbreaking to experience dishonesty right at the start of something new — when all you wanted was a fresh beginning.


Must I now define what I want more clearly in every relationship?

Absolutely.

Clear communication is not optional anymore.


And I ask myself again:

Should we still have expectations after divorce?

Of course we should.

No one deserves to walk through the same fire twice, especially after surviving it once.



Choosing Myself After Divorce


When dishonesty enters the room, it’s a one-way ticket out of my life.

When I walk away, I don’t look back.

I’m not even sure if it’s forgiveness or self-respect — but what I know for certain is that I delete the person from my heart’s memory.


There’s a slow and silent discard that happens inside me when I realize:

It was not my fault.

I was not wrong.

I was honest and fair all along.


And so I choose myself.

Fully, unapologetically.

Because real love — the kind that stays — should never have to be taught to stay loyal.


Closing Thought:


Love wisely. Expect honesty. Choose yourself every time.



Share your story:

Healing after love isn’t easy, but sharing helps.

Tell me — how did you find your way back to yourself?










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