A Revelation About DJ: Navigating the Weight of a Narcissistic Ex-Partner


Today, I had a profound realisation: Judas will never truly hear me. His mind is embroidered with his own vision, a patchwork of ideas where only his perspective matters. Even during the times when I was financially independent, he would frame his decisions as "suggestions," but in reality, they were mandates forced down my throat. It has always been about him and his way, his plan, his narrative. This realisation struck me deeply because it extends beyond me; it includes his children. He doesn’t listen to them either. To him, the only acceptable path is one that aligns perfectly with his strategy, free of curveballs or compromise.

A Life of Plans and Control

Escariot operates as though life is a business contract technical and strategic. He thrives on appearing smart, excelling at networking and building sustainable business connections. In many ways, he’s a brilliant business developer, but that brilliance comes with a cost: an inability to see beyond himself. He has to win, to be seen as the one who gets what he wants. This mindset leaves no room for flexibility or empathy.

I don’t hate him I don’t even know how to hate; it seems exhausting. He is simply the father of my children, nothing more. I’ve reached a point where I no longer feel the need to understand him or even address him directly. Today, for the first time, I called him Mr. Escariot in chambers instead of using his first name. It felt like a revelation. When I looked at him, I didn’t see Judas anymore; I saw a man whose soul seemed absent, spiritually adrift and unstable. The heaviness of being around him became undeniable.


The Emotional Toll of Narcissism

Dealing with someone like Judas is emotionally draining because his focus is never on reality it’s on preserving his delusions and protecting his reputation. Narcissists often thrive on control and manipulation, making it nearly impossible to have genuine communication or resolution. As I’ve come to understand through this journey, Juda’s behaviour isn’t personal; it’s rooted in his need for dominance and validation.

This realisation has helped me detach emotionally from the chaos he creates. Narcissists often use tactics like gaslighting, blame-shifting, and guilt-tripping to maintain control over their narrative and avoid accountability. Fritz’s insistence on diverting maintenance discussions to divorce proceedings at the High Court is just another example of this behaviour a calculated attempt to delay justice for our children and perpetuate conflict.


Setting Boundaries for My Sanity

To protect myself and my children from the emotional toll of dealing with Judas, I’ve started implementing strategies recommended for navigating relationships with narcissistic ex-partners:

1. Firm Boundaries: I’ve decided not to engage in unnecessary communication with him. Every interaction is brief and focused solely on facts.

2. Parallel Parenting: Since co-parenting with a narcissist often leads to conflict, I’m adopting a parallel parenting approach minimal direct contact while adhering strictly to the parenting plan.

3. Documentation: I keep meticulous records of all interactions with Judas, including emails and court proceedings. This ensures that any false claims can be countered with evidence.

4. Self-Preservation: I’m prioritising my emotional well-being by leaning into activities that bring me joy, like working on the Mindful Ageing Programme. It uplifts my spirit and reminds me that there’s more to life than conflict.


Today’s revelation that Juda’s actions stem from his own instability rather than anything I’ve done has given me clarity and peace of mind. It’s not about changing him; it’s about protecting myself and my children from the fallout of his choices.

As exhausting as this journey has been, it has also been transformative. I’ve learned that resilience isn’t just about enduring hardship; it’s about finding joy and purpose amidst the chaos. Whether through prayer, mindfulness practices, or simply laughing at a good series after a long day, I’m reclaiming my narrative one step at a time.


Final Thoughts

Dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner like Judas is undeniably challenging, but it has taught me invaluable lessons about boundaries, self-care, and emotional detachment. As I move forward in this journey, I trust that justice will prevail not just for me but for my children as well. Until then, I will continue to focus on what truly matters: creating a life filled with peace, purpose, and mindful growth.


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