NO MORE TEARS

The water has evaporated, 

 

Those who heard my floods deserve my unconditional love, the torment of trying to tell someone over the phone to not cry uncontrollably is a huge task when distance is a disadvantage. Not only once or twice, I am talking about events, erratic attacks by words and thoughts that run through my head when I have created space for them, they take control and leave little space to occupy it with great motivation.

 

This chapter is dedicated to their being as dearest souls in my life, for holding the foundation making sure it is intact. I am honouring your tenacity; you are determined to pool me back from a wreckage. Your different composures create stability in my present journey as I navigate the route that leads to calmness, joy, and to live my life with a big smile and some giggles. I am proud and with divine dignity to walk my life with you.

 

The well is dry now, and I am not in control of that, all I can tell is that everything has withered.

 

Today at 06:40, driving my son to the bus stop to catch the school bus, a deep thought cut through my head. The last event with heavy tears flowing like an overflowing river, it all started with many words competing in my head for attention so that it can cut through my heart. All it took was a regular phone call, the minute I was asked how I am, words started to unfold with emotions of my state on the morning. I could not stop; I was not in control of the flow of water flooding my face. I wanted my mother and father, who are no longer on earth and longed for their touch and soothing words.

 

I stopped doing my housework, I sat down and drank my honey water to ease the anxiety and to possibly stop the tears. Then there’s a knock at the door, someone dear has summoned the closest soul to rush and take care of the floods. Now, as I devote this chapter to those dear in my heart, tears fill my eyes. These are different tears;these are tears of acknowledging and embracing the unconditional love.

 

I opened the door and did not fake any smile through my swollen red eyes and dry mouth. It’s as if the riverbankswere also broken by the floods, I sobbed so hard so painful in the arms of a friend. I wanted my parents to be around more than anything, why am I going through so much, and I am letting myself get wet from heavy floods, if it was raining, I am sure I would have gone outside to allow the rainwater to join my tears and just be in the rain, hoping that when it stopped, sunshine will blast my emotions. At the time I did not see it happening not any time soon. Little did I know that it does come, sunshine comes to dry the wetlands, to dry the tears and bestow contentment and revive dignity.

 

We walked about 5km, we talked, and talked until I felt light. She was led by my state of emotions, the topic was requiring a bit of thinking in a light way, a way that eases the emotions. At the same time, I am releasing the blocked pipes that can allow love to stream through my body. It was indeed a smooth transition that brought solace at the end of the day. You’ve seen me in my upheaval, watching me take a knock a hard one that affects my self-esteem. You provide building block because I did not fall flat out at all, I was reminded that I fell on like a tennis ball to be able to bounce back.

 

Often, we do not get a chance to be greatful towards such deeds because we are occupied with trying to live and get out of misery. Or we wait for special days to utter amazing words or reassuring loved ones that they mean a lot. I have many streams of water or tears, because here I am today shedding a few tears and a lump on my throat as I reminisce about the day my well went dry, the day it became a desert.

 

This desert is about my divorce journey, I found Peace from prayer, I found myself reclaiming again and again myself when it all withered and created space for joy and delight. Now other streams are happy to flow because they do not come from an agony and misery hole. What flows from now on is coming from a reserve that only entertains love and care.

 

Assurance resurfaced, constancy with kindness filled up my heart. Those who are around me are also surrounding me from afar, I feel their kindness.

 

Yes, I may find myself checking my hallway that is my headspace if there’s any deem bulbs that need to be brighten. I have taken upon myself to indulge my entire being to communicate to each other so that my Soul is uplifted. The brightest bulb has a responsibility to charge others and ensure that they don’t blackout.

 

 

This is my simple abundance, experiencing so much emotional support. Each component of my Soul is comfortable because the surroundings bloom like a primrose, undying love.

 

I am staying connected, I am glued to the stem, I am closer to the Soil. I can channel all to one source that is God Himself through His Son. You contribute by recalling God’s Words of Promise that we go through and not stay in the floods or flooded place. We rise to reclaim the new and narrate the story from a peaceful and loving corner, full of smile and laughter.

 

I am on another type of road; I can hold the curves without losing balance and control. I am still in the seat and holding the steering wheel with two firm hands.

 

I look at the clouds that cover the mountain and out sky, how they form on top of the ocean, how they move is miraculous. Then when they disappear, I see the blue sky slowly and eventually they dissipate. However, it is difficult to think positive when I am told it will come to pass, then I want to know when and I am not supposed to focus on the time because I am subservient to time.

 

Just like clouds it will come to pass, let me ride along for now, to just love life and everything I have been provided while on this ride.

 

Gratitude I place upon your hearts from mine that is immeasurable.

 

Love always,