DIVORCE HAS MANY PHASES, 

IT IS NOT EASY, IT IS DAMN ROUGH, ON THE BODY, MIND AND SOUL

Today, I have mixed emotions and for me to clear the fog I often wait for direction that keeps my Soul sane. So I started in the kitchen, off loaded the dishwasher and loaded it and washed a few dishes to clear the space and make it clean too. I loaded the washing machine with white clothing and other white linen, started the machine and hanged the wet load on the washing line. While doing all these house chores I am listening to my Strength Sound Playlist to lift my Spirit. Remember that we have Souls and Spirits, I told myself that I do not want to think of Lucifer Mofarisi Gomora in the morning, it is not a good thing. I needed to tell my mind that we have better things to think about actually great things. Nothing must spoil my day, the day Blessed and given to me by God to live and immense myself with it as it unfolds.

I am getting flashbacks of things that were said to me, unexpectedly and randomly and they are vivid now. He worked on my mental state, asking me weird questions. Now I realise this person has been planning this entire exit (I will call it that for now because the vision of another being should not dictate to others). Words like, you have a house and a car, why are you not leaving me. These thoughts took me back to the actual day, I was in my daughter's bedroom and first thing in the morning the episode starts. Actually all episodes of this vision series were conducted in the morning

As music is playing in my ears and busy with chores, when I was sweeping then another episode happened. This time its an sms from the coercer while I am lying in hospital after my second operation. Message said, hope you get better I can imagine the pain. My response, all I want now is my mother.

I have been robbed mourning her passing, now I remember talking about a knot that needed to be untied. I was told it's easy I must just untie it, meaning I must be part of another being's vision, follow someone's dream and abandon my own dream and vision or purpose in life.

I am referring to a knot because while typing I am thinking of thick interwoven fabric and needs time to be untied. I was in that interwoven fabric, my Soul was non existent because it spiralled down to be trapped in a mess. My Soul found peace, when going through a labyrinth bare footed and just being. I wondered why my peace was walking around and smelling nature and touching the ground that holds my feet that hold my entire body. I respect my feet, and honour the ground that I stand on or walk on or lie on.


SPIRITUALITY

Since giving all to the Creator to me it is God, I am going into spaces that I can connect with easily and I am embracing the feeling and transition towards the light of joy. The Holy Spirit leads me, all I have is the Holy Trinity.

I found myself grateful to those who thought they are breaking me or destroying me or doing harm with a smile. I would not be feeling like this and I would not have realised that I have the power and it's been inside of me, and I felt proud of who I am and the light beamed to its highest brightest ever. Arise and Restore as promised, 

The interwoven involved my own family too, not that I am not only going through divorce but I am also becoming aware of many things that also need me to lead, to take ownership of who I am and be the person intended to be on earth, I must carry out certain family matters. I ask myself how and why now, and realised that I am not in charge even worse I know and acknowledge. 

In the midst of all this happening this morning, I am not feeling well at all because I am using the arm that has a painful muscle pain at the shoulder. I consulted with my neurosurgeon and concluded that its my right should muscle causing the pain and not the nerves, then he prescribed a muscle relaxant with mild paracetamol for a month and we revisit if there's no improvement.  So in between I stop and let the pain strike while I am meditating that it should go away doing breathing exercising I learnt from yoga, then my right knee is complaining too because I am kneeling down to reach certain corners of the room to clean the dust. The issue with the knee started when I fell in the bathroom that was not slippery at all and the mat is one of those that do not shift when one steps on. So I managed to heal it naturally, again the Spirit guided me to a library in town. On this particular day I found a book about natural scientifically proven medicine. That book healed my knee and the specialist was happy and said continue with whatever I am doing or taking. I was taking natural medicine that does not form composition of any western medicine, I found out about that when I took a certain anti inflammatory pills and reacted that it is a plant they use for morphine. 

This cleaning is about me, also because the mind was going back to make certain incidents clear. I commenced with cleaning therapy, I remember now that my mother kept her kitchen clean, she didn't like a sink full of dirty dishes. Then I read Iyanla's book years back probably 21 years ago about a clean kitchen and your Soul. My cleaning what I see is actually cleaning myself internally, removing things that are not meant to occupy space, those things do not deserve the space or be short listed to come later. They are meant to leave, to be released and free myself from unnecessary and non important things to be in me.

A lot is indeed shifting, it's work in progress and I am not in a hurry at all. My pace is not even determined by me, I am led by the power of the Holy Spirit through many dimensions all I do is to be present and be. Being still and knowing that the are no coincidences in life its amazing, my guidance and answers come when my Soul is still and I glow in my face and fall in love with myself, appreciate me, love me, boast about me to me, and the joy in me surpasses all the pain.

The body pain is a manifestation of ill emotions that are harboured inside for long, I turn to internalise and hold a debate with two forces, looking for logic and guidance or rather answers as to why do certain mishaps occur and how to handle the conflict within myself and resolve it before sharing with anyone. I hold certain experience closer to my heart because I can be safe with myself. Now, there's a track that was playing while cleaning called Quiet by MILCK. I resonated because I am not keeping quiet anymore, in Sesotho we learned that if you don't cry or talk no one will know that you are not well and cannot be assisted. This proverb affects the ego more and being shamed by asking for help, it is the most difficult thing to receive when one is used to helping others with genuine unconditional love. Since the Creator put me in this situation, He made sure that I am surrounded by indestructible people that know the power of God.

At the moment I am in the Valley, I am swimming and not drowning because I have now activated the thinker in me. I am moving against the wind, the force that is negative is not over powering me instead it awakens the fearless original and resilient, unique and valuable inner child. My cup was not overflowing at all, it was not even full to the brink but it was also not empty, there was a bit left to restart the process of being re-filled. 

SOUL CONNECTION

My Soul is on another level that I cannot even comprehend, spiritually I am deeply experiencing mysterious powers that have been bestowed upon me, I am and I have always been greatful to be alive and living with laughter and joy.

In the midst of my divorce like I mentioned, there's family feud going on. We undergo processes of Grace and Mercy and clemency between or amongst ourselves. It is not easy at all especially when there's other things that caused a lot of anguish. I would expect to not be so overloaded but because there's a Higher Being in control, I do not get to choose which trouble or problem suits me.

The great thing about where I am now is that, I am giving myself the gratitude of love and joy that reside in me daily. I understand the journey, and I am still learning a lot from different daily steps. In a day I still experience different emotions which now I can choose to dismiss or if it's worth assessing then I will stop and listen to the message. 


Comments

  1. Msleras5bob22 July 2022 at 03:59

    Oh wow this is so beautiful I can relate where the cleaning is concerned. It helps with your soul too.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Moment of Reflection   While washing windows, a thought struck me.   Depression creeps in quietly. If I hadn’t gone through two years of therapy, I would still be floating, stuck in autopilot mode. Now, I recognise it—I see it reflected in my surroundings.   I finally understand why people who are abused, in any form, often don’t see a way out. As an outsider, I once watched my sister endure both physical and psychological abuse from her husband. I wanted her to see what I saw, to run from her situation. When words failed, I tried a different approach. I took her on trips, hoping a change of scenery would help. I bought her beautiful clothes to make sure she looked and felt powerful at work. She embraced that, it empowered her. But outside of work, she was still battling her demons.   Now, I look at myself. I am aware—I am ready to break free. But certain limitations hold me back. One thing I know for sure: I am surrounded by warriors. God is carrying me, fighting ...
Read more

SPIRITUALITY, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, LOVE AGAIN

Today, I choose to write about Spirituality during my marriage and divorce journey. If I did know the Source I honestly do not know where would I be emotionally and physically because mentally it was foggy. I couldn’t read anything, my vision got blurry but my Soul knew how to connect and I would listen this time. God gave us many forms of connecting, hearing His Word started reviving the 1% that was untouched was able to switch on and my ground became solid.  Audio sermons revived my Soul, praise and worship songs brought back the water to run through me again, the dance music made me feel good and actually great. I am not saying people who are not Spiritual cannot survive what I am still going through, we all have different Sources that has Supernatural Powers to pick us up and help us walk again on solid ground. I remember attending a meditation and breathing class, and had a vision in that quiet moment and I listened and because I am stubborn and avoid tapping into my Spiritual...
Read more

UNSTOPPABLE

There was a time I doubted myself. He made me question everything — my voice, my spirit, my worth. Was I too different? Too difficult? Was I supposed to fold myself small just to fit into his idea of love? Somewhere between endurance and perseverance — virtues I had worn like armor — I lost sight of myself. I let someone else’s vision blur my own. Why? Because society taught me that as a woman, I must endure. Because two people signed a piece of paper and called it a union, while underneath, I was unraveling. Some days, I caught glimpses of the real me — radiant, undisturbed, unstoppable. But all it took was his presence, his endless, dead-end conversations, to dim my light. He wasn’t speaking to me. He was speaking at me — demanding I abandon my beliefs, my values, my soul, to mirror his. I tried to surrender — to God, to peace — but the cost of betraying myself was too high. The knot in my throat would travel to my gut, crash through my immune system, and leave me hol...
Read more