unjustifiable justice-

Well, I’m disappointed at a ruling about rescission. The entire process of how we got to rescission application was never considered.  The worst was and is still confusing me is when they make references to old cases that are not even the same as mine

My case is complicated, lots of delay tactics, financial muscles, bullying and intimidation you name them all. Legal process is there, but the law can be manipulated by referencing something that has nothing to do with a divorce that involved the payment of lobola to another woman. 

Laws are amended, why do they have to take a long process to be amended? We have the Domestic violence act of 1998, amended twice. I’m sure there’s many more laws amended especially when it comes to women. The World itself it’s under a microscope of ensuring women’s rights are recognised and protected. It started with the Beijing Platform

In my case, I’m unrepresented and my rights were violated let alone that I did my best to follow the law that the defendant showed a middle finger, I am still victimised. 

The Judge rules that the divorce is rescinded, I am again married to the man who lives with another woman, who expects me to do as he commands. This man utters words that are defamatory but still his legal team doesn’t reprimand him. They have given him the freedom and he has the audacity in SA to disrespect our laws.

As a woman why am I subjected to such by a judge? The defendant has told me that no judge will tell him what to do, he has proven that to me by not comply with any order. I will suffer because I chose the litigation option and didn’t do according to his plan.

I’m beyond hurt, humiliation and feel my rights as a woman have been violated. 

We have Women’s Charter, there’s Agenda 2030 SDG5, Maputo Protocol, AU Agenda 2063, all encompassing similar aspects of women’s rights. Marriages are mentioned in different forms, however the judicial system is not in sync because the advocacy organisations are busy ensuring that all or certain marriage laws must be amended, also to consider as defined under the Domestic Violence Act, emotional, psychological and financial abuse including intimidation and bullying are taken seriously. The above forms of Domestic Violence act manifest into physical illness and sometimes fatal. I almost had a stroke, I ended up in ICU with Blood Pressure over  200, brain scans were performed and X-rays looking for clots, ECG, blood tests. The pain on my right side of the face was like an ice cream brain freeze, mine took 2 days to subside. 

Where is Justice, why rescind the entire divorce order? Why must I be still married to this person.

Everything to his defence and the judge seemed like I overlooked, I didn’t disclose according to his legal team and the judge

I am the one who instituted the divorce, approached Family Advocate’s office after he failed to comply with an interim order. The tactics were endless even after the divorce order was granted.

A default judgement of a divorce must not be argued similar to a bank vs whoever? Summons were served, notice to oppose file then started side shows and doesn’t file his plea for a year, his legal team was reminded on numerous occasions to file the plea, so we went ahead and barred him.

There was adultery in my case, a woman introduced as a friend, shared dinner, lunch etc with my family. The same person who made a decision that she loves my husband and there’s nothing she can do, she wants him. They’ve been literally living together while thinking it was only a few years. This man has cheated, constructively destroyed my self esteem, I became a dependant until he could control everything and it was easy for him to work on making sure the new affair is well established and it’s where he wants it to be. 

Where is the law, where is justice, where are morals, where are traditional values and where are basic women’s rights?

Each case is unique, the events that led to the divorce are unique and the law must be flexible and stop referencing old different cases. 

The courts are and often unfair to women, from access to assistance and justice. We suffer secondary victimisation by unjust rulings

Only one person decides, what actually informs their decision by not even reading the entire file?

Women have a long way to go, we give birth to boys who become men, I want to teach my boys to respect women and never undermine their intellect and always remember that they were birthed by a woman. We have power to change our boy children. I’m not excluding my daughter, respect is both ways and with her is different, she must be firm and stand on her solid ground. 

The ruling left me numb, doubting myself again. I’m weak to a point of being sick because of such rulings. I’m not asking the court to favour me, I’m saying consider the facts in the file and understand. I don’t want to drag myself into this mess anymore because I don’t want to live with anxiety and panic attacks. 

Situation like mine have occurred somewhere but the woman probably suffered in silence. I did subject myself to pain, confusion, agreeing to things that are not part of my principles and values for the sake of being married. I subjected myself to norms that are abnormal to me, I bottled up a lot and ended up hollow in me, lost the me and couldn’t even go back to check when did I loose myself and the link. It happened slowly under pretence of love, 

It hurts, it really hurts! I shut down, go for walks to be calm with the hope that this will end.

It doesn’t matter the form of domestic violence it is, the victim battles and takes time to reach the point of no return. Others die, others develop terminal illnesses, we have internal battles and when you disclose in court, one would expect the judge to consider the circumstances but damn the misery and the bad reflux caused by stress kicks in and erratic panic attack. 

At some point pills were not working for me, I was fighting with myself and with him too, worst confused state of mind.

I know why other women walk away, it’s because of secondary victimisation and often shrewd advocates who never advice honestly about the laws, but conveniently find loopholes. Ofcourse man made rules will have loopholes, 

I am grievously disappointed. I feel trapped, I feel belittled and humiliated I am trigged again by his actions that his attorneys don’t address but clearly act on instructions and oblivious to the accrual system. 

I’m soldiering on and it will pass with plenty lessons learnt through this battle. It drains me, I now find peace in baking and cooking, which I stopped doing when I was heavily depressed.  I’m glad it’s back and also pepping myself up is gradually coming back, I’m starting to stand and refused to be kicked down again. 

More drama around the 20th of May 2022.