Emotions vs Legality and Facts

A lot has been happening, most out of panic because I cannot afford legal representation. I’ve been emotional but managed to not breakdown in chambers. I believe somehow emotions are valid in my case because I followed the legal and court processes. The court is not interested in long email exchanges unless it’s something that can be binding legally. Fortunately I do have on email stuff that would give me emotional peace as evidence towards unlawful actions by the ex and his attorneys. 

I’m emotionally drained, my brain brought back the years of pain when I somehow ended up on auto pilot, floating not to be oblivious to my situation. The psychological abuse happens over a period of time. I have had to stop the WHY, and focus on getting up and piecing together the puzzle of my own life.

Just when I thought it’s over, actually it’s the beginning of mud sliding. It’s unbelievable when the opposition relies on attorneys who actually miss the legal aspects. This makes me emotional and I vent out which is acceptable when doing my best to understand how can lawyers manipulate the laws. 

After 20 minutes of venting valid points, I must regroup and look at the laws and rules and anything that’s legal and use it in my defense. 

I also learned to not give in because of pressure like I did while married to please the other person, I must trust myself and God’s voice in me. It is uncomfortable and draining to be dragged into a washing machine mode. Many times I have been confused and found myself in that spin that depletes my energy and I end up feeling invaded. 

Pain is a fact it exists but has to be defined in a particular manner in court because there’s no time for non valid facts. It’s difficult to not be emotional when being attacked and forced to agree to settlement that is predetermined and not honestly clean for a lack of a better word. I find it appalling when someone assumes they’re better and superior. This type of person drives me mad, actually has contributed to my physical illness. This person decides for me even beyond separation what’s best for me.

That cannot be argued in court unless an expert is put on the stand and justifies in front of the judge or a report is submitted to that effect.

The legal route also drains and can also be found stressful because it takes forever and has gaps or loopholes for tricksters to manipulate. It requires more than perseverance  and therapy in between to offload and regain myself. 

There is justice at the end of the day, probably at end of a certain period after being gridded. I presume all those big books in chambers are there to find some rule or law that is similar so that one can continue to abuse the system. 

It’s emotional to stand in a court room, I must meditate before and during the hearing, at the same time be alert of what defense or applicant says, in my case it’s so interesting because defendant became an applicant on a couple of times everything eminaits from the original summons, he is challenging things that are not suitable or aligned with what he wants. I must agree to what he wants.

His emails trigger a lot of emotions, emails from his attorneys are worse because they make absurd requests. Eventually I hope I can be emotionally stable, content, peaceful because no one is above the law.  

I hear new words all the time when I’m suppose to respond or filing an application. 

It’s been a whirlwind since the 2015, I was battling emotionally and didn’t trust the justice system. Each day had different episodes of emotions that some of those emotions were destructive or detrimental towards my health.

Yesterday was dramatic at the magistrate’s court. One is send from pillar to post and eventually when you get the right office, the person who can assist assumes I’m a foreigner non South African. I honestly don’t know what informed her to conclude such because I did not say anything about my name and surname, Wow! Anyway, I humbly told her that I’m South African from Joburg. 

I had to tell my story fir the 3rd time and then told to file an application. That applucation must be submitted at 08:30 and they will allocate a case number and create a file, then taken to the Magistrate at the Civil Court. 

I was fuming inside, but kept my cool.

This journey is emotionally draining, I have to call a few friends to be able to calm down and be factual at the same time validate the concerns.

I’m back in court today because he wants to rescind the divorce, I must be calm and smart then later allow emotions

However I will still show emotions in a controlled manner to illustrate the frustrations of wasting my time and energy