Phase one after summons

My attorney has to withdraw because I don’t have money to pay her, however she was guiding me and was advising me on how to file at High Court (HC). It is traumatic and I wondered why people looked glamorous going to such a place, it’s not a warm place at all, the building well according to me is worse than jail walls. It’s a traumatic structure that later became my new frequent place.

Let me mention this before going forward, I am a praying child of God. I’m very Spiritual and the voice within has never let me down, it’s me not listening to it, doubting it. 

God and the Universe surrounded me with people in the legal profession, from attorneys  to advocates and to be sane and mentally healthy, my great soul sisters in the mental health space were around. The friends who are specialist or experts in mental health, advised me and made sure I’m stable and I able to make informed decisions especially when it came to children. 

I realised that we often ask and we are unaware of the response because we looking for something tangible. My answers were around me, if fear crept in I knew what to do and all this was free of charge.

Another point is, believe the saying that you ask the ones who have travelled the road ahead of you. Again the Universe placed those people unaware that they’re there to serve a purpose 

I’m unemployed and being financially abused, feeling depleted and unable to make sense of anything, feeling hollow and confused. In all this midst the kids expect me to be their normal mother while I’m breaking inside.

I had people holding my space, my ground was firm and I was not giving up because it was getting tough and dirty to an extend that if there were laws that protected the passion of crime, I would have done it slowly with benefits on my side. But hey we know that is only in my mind or when I’m doing boxing in my garden.

Things are getting bad, I didn’t expect to be taken to High Court for 1 section in the summons that covers children, care and contact. He had access but he wanted it his way.  He has an advocate and an attorney, I’m alone and I’m hiding my pounding heart from coming out of the throat. I have a technique in my mind that tends to assist me in dire situations especially the ones I’m not familiar with like appearing in High Court facing a judge.

This time around his urgent application which they thought I will not oppose because I don’t have an attorney. I showed up well informed and went up to the assigned judge’s chamber. He asked if we have discussed the application and we have not done so, I quickly told the judge that his attorneys are bullying me. I printed an email from his attorney saying I must brace myself. He told the advocate to speak to her counsel whatever, I never know who is who because Advocate is above the attorney. I did respond to his threat and I didn’t mince my words, he is not entitled to bully me and attorneys who have impossible clients do bully opponents without attorneys. Be calm when responding to their nonsense comments or giving instructions and thinking one doesn’t have a brain. I keep myself informed, I ask experts and I read on old cases too. In the process of this pain I made sure that I stand tall and keep my head above the water. I still say the waves are bashing my body but my head is above and my arms are helping to move forward without drowning 

Now I’m negotiating with the advocate, she takes breaks to check with her client. She then comes back with demands, then I push back and argued that I have always lived with the children. He only came home over weekends because he was working in Johannesburg. His proposal was to have them every alternate week and I refused. I put my foot down and snapped at the advocate, I told her I gave birth to my kids and I’ve lived with them 80% of the time. I know my children more than him and I don’t want my children around that particular women. 

The reason he brought this matter forward as urgent is because I made it clear in my papers that my children will not be part of that woman’s life, and he knows very well but he is used to getting what he wants. He uses the High Court only if it serves him well, not the law or justice.

This time I’m not comfortable because the judge is waiting on us to come up with an agreement that suits both of us. We finally agreed to alternate weekends. No to during the week disturbances and limiting phone calls in the evening and going on holiday with the kids without that woman. 

We didn’t agree on the times and I said to his advocate the judge will decide.

We finally go to court in front of the judge, and he asks if we have agreed, we said yes except for a few things. My ex wanted to call the calls anytime at night like 21:00 (9pm) because they’re still up, i said no the last call is before 20:30 (8:30pm). The judge agreed and issued an interim court order, that included an independent expert to assess the children and submit the report to court for final order. He has already committed that he will pay the expert. Now his advocate says I must pay the bill for her appearance, I told her I’m not paying anything. Judge said that will be determined at the final hearing. 

Oh another thing, because I’m married out of community of property with accrual. I didn’t qualify for a pro Bono legal representation because accrued assets are over the required amount.