Maintenance and children

Today I am talking about care and contact, maintenance for children and spouse. I’ve kept track of negotiations which eventually failed because he was not open to discussion but to tell me what he offers, it kept changing but on his terms. At this point I am not emotionally and physically well, I have anxiety and I’m on meds which I don’t prefer unless I get a bad attack.

In my last blog I mentioned the side show where he took me to High court demanding that he lives with our kids two weeks in a month and I stood my ground and refused. 

I’m talking about that section today, it also involves money (maintenance).

Care and contact falls under Family advocate’s office. I took the initiative to institute an investigation and assessment from the Department of Justice office for free. Remember he failed to honour the interim court order that states an expert to assess the children. 

At this point he sees children as and when he is available, nothing according to the interim order. I also extended the olive branch by informing him that he must read about Children’s Act and their rights. As usual he didn’t do it because he can hire people to do it for him.

I do not believe in alternate weeks that he wanted, because for me it will create instability. These children have lived with me and we have our routine, culture and values etc. I agreed to weekends because they were used to him being around only on weekends and some holidays. 

I also approached through recommendation by a children psychologist the best therapists and also they compile reports for the court too. Both kids started to see the therapist separately, they were warm and open too. We would joke with my son about shrinks and that a certain race doesn’t do that, it’s actually coming from comedians when they ridicule others. We would find humour during therapy sessions and how we would unpack it individually.

The father has access to the children, he was never denied access, it just had to be regulated for a lack of a better word especially for someone like him who was demanding limitless access to my space.

This care and contact forms part of the divorce if you have children. It is not a determining factor for the final divorce.

Now with maintenance for everyone once an order is granted, then the court that enforces the order is the Maintenance Criminal Court which is referred as the lower court and it has the power to freeze assets, fine and imprison those that don’t comply. I took the court order from High Court to maintenance court, and it’s ala

The law has processes and often I would be anxious thinking I’ve hit a dead end, instead they exhaust all avenues to ensure the party responsible adheres and complies. I took my divorce order to the lower court that has those powers I’ve mentioned. I was told even if he defaults it’s a criminal offence and can be prosecuted.

I am learning on this journey, I’m not a conformist and can be rebellious towards rules because they’re man made. In this case, I have to be calm and trust the process because there’s justice. Even though I would feel it fails me, because I see it differently from an emotional standpoint. Whereas, once I give it a chance it does serve justice. 

I am known even at maintenance criminal court, once a week I show up to follow up on my file, and show them my emotions of desperation and that I’m hopeless and they’re my hope. True they would sense my emotions and tone in the voice and they then assure me that it will be resolved. 

I’ve made it clear in my mind that I will not cry in court no matter what, and those tears if they want to fall down tney are on my brain time machine and will fall while driving or at home alone.

All interviews and assessments are done by the Family Advocate and the Family Theparists. Children are imterviewed separately and parents together. The office compiles a recommendation report in the best interest of the children.

I made sure that I inform authorities of any attempt that compromises children. In my case the ex asked me more than once to speak to the children about his partner and that they take liking of her. That’s not on me, I informed the family advocate’s office because it was on writing. Well, my response to him was not polite at all so you can imagine any worst swearing word if ever there is in existence, I didn’t mince it at all.

His intentions since he made them known to me was to take the children to live with him. I didn’t say over my dead body, I said even if I may die before him it will not happen because I know our children better than him. He may have an amazing relationship with them, he still pushes his own motives to please him before their own interests. 

To me children come first and I know I have a life because they grow up and leave the nest. While at the nest it important to understand their emotions and we all try to accommodate one another. 

My care and contact report is not out yet, it doesn’t change the divorce order but it’s a recommendation to ensure that kids interests and emotions are taken care of by both parents.

The Department of Justice staff has been great, even though some may appear reserved but they are helpful and impartial and they will also educate one when I find myself lost.

It’s not easy to divorce someone who expects the law to be on his side and not expect justice for all. He is quick to take me to High Court with the hope that it favours him. In the justice system there’s no favouritism, it’s only people with financial muscle who abuse it.!